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Conversation Starters

Templates and guides for difficult conversations with doctors, family, and hospice providers.

Why These Conversations Matter

  • Open Communication

    Clear conversations ensure everyone understands the situation and has a voice in decisions.

  • Shared Understanding

    Discussing goals and wishes together helps families move forward in alignment.

  • Less Regret

    Families who communicate openly tend to have fewer regrets about care decisions later.

  • Better Support

    When people understand what\'s happening and what they need, they can help more effectively.

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Talking with Your Doctor

  • "What is my/my loved one's current diagnosis and expected prognosis?"

  • "How much time do you estimate we have (if applicable)?"

  • "What are the goals of the current treatment?"

  • "Are there any other treatment options we should consider?"

  • "When would it be appropriate to consider hospice care?"

  • "What symptoms should we be watching for?"

  • "How do I manage pain and other symptoms at home?"

  • "How do I reach you with urgent questions or concerns?"

Tips for Difficult Conversations

  • Find the Right Time

    Choose a quiet, private moment when everyone is calm and not rushed or tired.

  • Listen More Than You Talk

    Ask questions and really listen to the answers. Show that you value what the other person thinks and feels.

  • Be Honest

    Share your concerns and feelings openly. Avoid protecting people with white lies that might cause bigger problems later.

  • Use "I" Statements

    Say "I'm worried about..." instead of "You're not taking this seriously." This reduces defensiveness.

  • Validate Feelings

    Acknowledge emotions without trying to fix them. "That must be really scary" is often enough.

  • Plan Follow-ups

    Hard conversations rarely happen all at once. Agree to talk again and check in regularly.

What to Avoid

  • Don't ambush

    Give people time to prepare mentally. A surprise conversation about end-of-life rarely goes well.

  • Don't dismiss concerns

    Even if you disagree, don't minimize someone's fears or opinions. Acknowledge them first.

  • Don't make it about you

    Focus on the patient's wishes and best interests, not on what's easiest for you or others.

  • Don't rush to decisions

    Most end-of-life decisions can wait a few days. Give everyone time to process.

  • Don't use guilt or pressure

    Avoid "You have to do this" or "If you really loved them...". These create resentment and regret.

  • Don't avoid the hard topics

    While it's hard, not talking about death, dying, and wishes often causes worse problems later.

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